People are great communicators.

All of them. Human beings are perhaps the most communicative species on the planet. We have the gift of speech. We create languages and structures to help us say exactly what we mean. We have the gift of creativity, portraying ineffable feelings and senses through art. We use subtle body language in our postures, gestures, and facial expressions. The expanse of technology is spreading so rapidly, we are able to communicate more information on a moment than any of us can really absorb in a lifetime.

We didn’t mean it

With all our gifts, however, we often find that we come up short. What we said didn’t make sense. Or we didn’t mean it the way we said it. Maybe the person we were talking to simply didn’t ‘get it.’ It’s true, we’re all excellent communicators. We do it non-stop with everyone around. How many of us, I wonder, still struggle with this extraordinary faculty we all have? All of us, I’d say.
The problem is that although we communicate well in a variety of ways and all of the time, very few of us have taken the time to step back and look at what it means to communicate cleanly. Clean communication is communication that doesn’t have all the extra ‘stuff’ we pile on for reasons which only suit ourselves. Clean communication entails taking a moment to really find the words (or not words) which truly convey the message we want. It’s communication without implication. We can truly say what we mean instead of hiding it discreetly or simply overrunning it with irrelevant details.

Most of us talk too much.

We say far more than is needed to communicate relatively simple ideas. We’ve all heard stories of Zen masters who communicate lessons to their students without saying a word. Sometimes a few well-chosen words can communicate more than a whole volume of extraneous detail. To learn to communicate cleanly, we first need to learn to say less. How is the simplest way we can say what we really want to get across? How can I say it without implying something else? Can I ask a question cleanly, without expecting a certain kind of answer?
“Really? You’re going out in that?” … “I thought you had to work tonight!” … ”Hi there miss, do you have the time?” … “Sorry. I didn’t know you were king of the universe.”
Each of these is a way to get our point across without communicating cleanly. In the first one, the person is trying to express displeasure, but asks a hurtful question instead. The second one is passively begging for a question to be answered without directly asking it. In the third one, he knows what time it is. What he really wants to know is who she is. In the fourth one the person is taking a sarcastic stab instead of simply saying outright that someone else’s behavior is troubling.

Communication is a gift

But it’s also a problem and a challenge. When we communicate too much, we overrun our friends and partners with irrelevant information. When we communicate too little, our perspectives and feelings often get overlooked. We remain unheard. Communicating skillfully means learning to say what you want when you want, and it also means knowing when nothing needs to be said at all.
How can we find ways to communicate which let everyone know exactly what we want them to know about our situation? How can we give them exactly what they’ll need to understand us? How can we learn to listen for what’s really being said under all the dust? How can we communicate cleanly, so that everything we say or do is the best expression of our fullest truth?
Let’s communicate cleanly, with sincerity. Let’s talk less and smile more. Let’s listen, and truly hear. Everything is self-expression, so who can be wrong? Visit The Adjustatorium today.

LOVE
Dr. Ryan K. Marchman